Jacob’s final words to his sons in Parashat Vayechi are called “blessings,” yet many of them sound painfully like rebuke, even curse. This tension encourages a deeper examination of what it truly means to bless another person honestly and within the Jewish tradition.
“Blessings” that don’t sound like blessings
At the start of Genesis 49, Jacob gathers his sons: “Gather yourselves together, that I may tell you what will befall you in the end of days.” The Torah later summarizes this entire section by saying, “This is what their father spoke to them and he blessed them; each according to his blessing he blessed them.” On the peshat level, this is surprising because several of these “blessings” are sharply critical, even harsh
- Reuven, the firstborn, hears: “Unstable as water, you shall not excel,” a sharp consequence for his impulsive act with Bilhah.
- Shimon and Levi are condemned for the massacre at Shechem: “Cursed be their anger, for it is fierce… I will divide them in Jacob and scatter them in Israel.”
- Even Benjamin is compared to “a ravenous wolf,” highlighting conflict and aggression rather than peace.
If this is what blessing sounds like, what would cursing be?
How can the Torah still call this “blessing”?
Rashi famously points out the issue: not all of these words seem like blessings at all. “Is it not so that some of them he only rebuked and did not bless?” he asks on Rashi on Genesis 49:28. His answer is that the Torah’s phrase “this is what their father spoke to them” refers to everything in the section, and then “and he blessed them” teaches that even Reuven, Shimon, and Levi received a blessing embedded within the rebuke.
Two key ideas emerge:
- Blessing is different from flattery. Jacob’s parting gift isn’t meant to make his sons feel good, but to tell them the truth about their character and their future.
- Blessing is about relationship and destiny. All twelve sons remain within the covenantal story; none is disowned, unlike Esav earlier in Genesis. The very fact that Jacob speaks to each one, naming their strengths and their dangers, is itself a form of sacred affirmation.
Midrash Bereishit Rabbah and other sources already examine this duality, questioning whether these are blessings or prophecies. Many commentators conclude that they serve both purposes: providing a realistic view of each tribe’s journey and a prayer that, through that journey, they will find their role in God’s plan.
Blessing as honest spiritual leadership
Seen this way, Jacob’s “mixed” blessings exemplify a challenging form of spiritual leadership. On his deathbed, he could have only offered gentle, comforting words. Instead:
- He confronts Reuven, Shimon, and Levi with the moral consequences of their past choices, refusing to pretend that serious failures don’t matter.
- He speaks differently to each son—full-throated praise for Yehudah and Yosef, stark warnings for the others—because a true blessing must be specific, not generic.
A beautiful midrash (Tanhuma Vayechi 10) depicts Jacob feeling anxious about blessing his sons because of their role in selling Yosef. He “cries out” to God, asking for the right words to be put in his mouth. In this scene, Jacob’s harshest words are actually prayers: “Ribbono shel Olam, help each of these children hear what they most need to hear in order to grow.”
A different kind of bracha for our children
For many parents, grandparents, and educators, the instinct during a bracha—whether on a birthday, at a bar or bat mitzvah, or under the chuppah—is to present only a rosy picture: “You are amazing, you will succeed at everything, everything will be wonderful.” This parasha challenges that instinct.
Jacob teaches that:
- A Jewish blessing should be honest. It can include rebuke, warning, and nuance, as long as it is spoken from love and covenant.
- A blessing looks to the future. Jacob’s words to each son outline not only who they have been, but who they might still become as individuals and tribes.
- A blessing says: “You remain part of this family, part of this story,” even when it acknowledges real flaws. No one is edited out of Am Yisrael.
In a world that favors either superficial positivity or harsh judgment, Vayechi offers a third path: the courage to bless with open eyes. To bless a child or a community is not to ignore their weaknesses, but to acknowledge them honestly while maintaining a genuine connection—with their family, their community, and with God.
A practical invitation
Parashat Vayechi, then, encourages a very practical reflection. The next time there’s an opportunity to give a bracha—whether on a Friday night, at a family celebration, or in a farewell speech—consider asking yourself:
- Are these words just meant to make the other person feel good, or do they also contain some truthful insight about who this person is?
- Do they recognize both strength and struggle, like Jacob’s words to his sons, or only one side?
- Do they reassure the person that, no matter what is named, they remain fully part of the covenantal circle?
If blessing is only sweet, it may be comforting, but it might not be transformative. Jacob’s “not-all-that-good” blessings remind the community that the deepest brachot are the ones that tell the truth and still embrace, that see clearly and still commit: “These are my children; this is my people.” That is the kind of blessing that can shape not just feelings but futures.
