Question:
Are there ways to imbue tradition at an unveiling in the absence of clergy and a minyan?
Answer:
An unveiling is a ceremony held at the cemetery to “unveil” or dedicate the gravestone at a Jewish gravesite. Before answering our question, we will discuss the sources and history of having a gravestone and when and why we have an unveiling. Finally, we will discuss the actual ceremony and answer the question.
The first mention of a grave marker is in Genesis 35:18-20. We read about the death of Rachel. She dies just after she gives birth to Jacob’s 12th son, Benjamin. Jacob buries her on the way to Efrat (Bethlehem). Verse 20 says, “Over her grave Jacob set up a pillar; it is the pillar at Rachel’s grave to this day.” The word pillar in Hebrew is Matzeva, which is the modern Hebrew word for a gravestone. Jacob needed to mark the site in some way, so he built some sort of monument or pillar to let people know where she is buried.
There are many references in the Mishna and Gemara discussing gravestones. Ultimately, Rambam states in the Mishne Torah, in the laws of Mourning 4:4, that a gravestone is placed on the grave. The Shulchan Aruch also records this as a law in Yoreh Deah 348:2 and Even Haezer 89:1. There are two main reasons for having a gravestone. First, it helps people identify who is buried in a particular place, allowing them to pay their respects and offer prayers. Second, it helps Kohanim know where someone is buried so they can avoid it.
Beyond the requirement to place a gravestone at the burial site, there are no other strict obligations. It is generally accepted that the person’s name and date of death should be inscribed on the stone. Often, the letters ת׳ נ׳ צ׳ ב׳ ה׳ appear at the top or bottom of the stone. These letters stand for “Tehei Nishmato Tzrura B’tzror Hachaim,” meaning “May his/her soul be bound in the bond of life.” If the deceased was a Kohen, an image of two hands with fingers spread apart—like when the Kohen gives the priestly blessing—may be carved into the top of the stone. However, none of these are compulsory, and today many people choose to include quotes and other personal information on the stone.
The gravestone should be placed within the first year after death. Often, it is done around the first Yahrzeit (anniversary of the death). In some Orthodox communities, the gravestone is placed after the 30 days of shloshim are completed.
Now we can start to address our question. The unveiling ceremony is actually quite modern. It became common toward the end of the 19th century in England, and later by the early 20th century in the United States. As a modern innovation, there are very few specific customs. The main practice for unveilings is that a white cloth is draped over the stone before people arrive at the cemetery, and during the ceremony, the cloth is removed, officially “unveiling” the gravestone. Aside from this, usually a few psalms are recited, and a short eulogy might be delivered. The memorial prayer (El Maley) is recited, and if there is a minyan, the mourners Kaddish can be said.
Often, a rabbi or cantor would preside at the unveiling. The primary purpose of having a rabbi or cantor at certain observances is to ensure that everything is conducted according to Halakha, Jewish law. Since there are no specific Jewish legal requirements for an unveiling, the presence of clergy is not mandatory. Our question is how to incorporate tradition into the unveiling when clergy are not present. I suggest consulting with a rabbi, or another learned person to select a few psalms that have meaning for you and suit the tone of the ceremony. You can ask friends or family members to recite the psalms in English or Hebrew. Next, the cover can be removed from the gravestone, and someone can read what is inscribed on it. You might ask one or two people to share some memories of the deceased. Finally, the memorial prayer, El Maley, should be recited. This prayer can be recited without a minyan. Lastly, if a minyan is present, the Mourners Kaddish should be recited. Since there is no requirement for a minyan at an unveiling, if there isn’t a minyan, only the Kaddish is omitted.
